Wiley1 is an amateur astronomer and sent me a good web site called Sky Online. Lots of far out thingys there.

I received the following story from ScotTEE. I got a good laugh from it and I thought you might enjoy it too.

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A pilot was flying a small charter plane into Seattle, Washington airport. The fog was very thick and visibility was down to 40 feet. He was low on fuel, his instruments were out and his passengers were nervous.

Through a small opening in the fog he saw a tall building with one guy working on the 5th floor. Circling, the pilot banked and shouted through his open window, "Hi, where am I?!"

The guy replied, "You're in an airplane!"

The pilot executed a swift 275 degree turn and executed a perfect blind landing at the airport 5 miles away, just as he ran out of fuel. The stunned passengers asked how he did this.

"Simple," replied the pilot. "I asked the guy a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must have been Microsoft's support office... and from there, the airport is 3 minutes away, due East".

---

I added ChatNet and NewNet to the "Oldies" Internet Relay Chat (IRC) Information section today. I also corrected some of the homepage URLs.

Last night while I was on EFNet #50plus I was sexually harrassed by some pervert. Can you believe that? With a nick like "old_lloyd"? I asked if "kisi" bothered anyone else on the channel and no one said she/he/it had bothered them. I finally put "kisi" on /ignore.

It was mossback's birthday yesterday and today is terrie's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY terrie. When I asked mossy yesterday if it was his birthday he said his last one was 365 days ago. Since this is a leap year I thought be was being clever and that today was his birthday.

I got kicked from an "oldie" channel yesterday. It's been so long since I've been kicked, I had forgotten how rotten it makes me feel. I was told it was an accidental kick but it hurt just like a real kick. I won't go there again.

My daughter told me that the pictures she took at Easter of the entire family turned out OK and she has them on a CD ROM. She is coming home this weekend so I should have some pictures on soon. (I may blank out my photo because I don't want to scare the children or the old folks or make the dogs howl plaintively).

I received a nice email from a fellow Kansas today. Love that warm, honest, friendly manner of Kansans.

I visited JimG's "50+Central" on AnotherNet yesterday. He said it has been on about 10 weeks and has about 20 regulars and 95 frequent visitors. Most are "refugees" from #50+retired. #50+retired must have shattered. I find ppl from there on many of the other "oldie" channels. I even saw "Elk_tooth" all alone on Anothernet's #50+. I didn't stop in to chat. He never spoke to me....ever!

I heard of two more "oldie" channels, #50+nice and #50plus50plus but I haven't located either.

Today may be mossback's birthday but it seems to me that he had one only a few weeks ago. Happy birthday (or unbirthday) mossy!

We had 2 of our 6 kids home for Memorial Day dinner yesterday. I fixed sirloin steak (in the rain) on the BBQ grill. My two granddaughters didn't want "thick meat" and I fixed them hamburgers but not paper thin ones like McD's. When they finished they tasted the steak and between the two of them they finished up all that was left. I also fixed a wonderful fresh mushroom sauce, oven-browned potato wedges and fancy frozen peas. I stuck to my diet though and had a "veggie" burger. I even passed up the homemade strawberry cheese cake I made for desert. Life is not fair!

If you need to fly someplace, check out Travelocity on the www. It is a great site for airlines and travel information. You have to register but just use a fake name and address.

CUL8r, HeyJude, hdrider, wiley1, and ScotTEE were at #shannisplace for a while last night. Shanni was delighted to see her old friends. It seemed like old times again.

I saw spokes' family pictures on his homepage yesterday. What a lovely family he has. He writes so tenderly about them. It is touching.

Tern has his picture on Shanni's homepage. It is a picture of him with his dog. I got them confused at first but tern set me straight. The dog has the long hair and is the better looking of the two.

I've known tern and spokes for the 8 months I have been on IRC. It is surprising to see their pictures. They don't look like I imagined them.

ScotTEE got back from a week vacation in Bermuda..lucky guy. (mossback went to Detroit!). Life's not fair!

Several people have written me asking where I visit on IRC. In the morning I usually visit DALNet's #50+bunch (a nice friendly bunch). In the afternoon I frequently go to EFNet's #50plus. At night I stop in at tern's DALNet #50+club or Shanni's #Shannisplace. Hope to see you there, my friends.

I also spend some time looking of other "oldie" channels. I found two yesterday: #65plus and #nifty50's+ both on UnderNet.

#65plus was founded in August of last year. It was a friendly channel with lots of wave activity (I don't do .wav's). Willist ruined it for me. He sent me a kissy.wav of a woman giving a senuous kiss and moaning. Willist played it at me over, and over, and over until it made me sick. (Perhaps I would have enjoyed it some if one of the lovely ladies was playing it!). The only other wav file I had was of a howling wolf. The first time it was played Senneca, my black lab, was so scared she tried to crawl up in my lap. I was invited to come back to #65plus which I plan to do even though I'm too young. (Gosh, it's been a long time since I said I was too young for anything.)

#nifty50's+ was not friendly at all. No one ever spoke to me in spite of my obvious charm, good manners and rapier wit ô¿û.

If you want to read a very humorous bio take a look at sven1's on Shanni's homepage.

I received my first E-Beer from moatsart this morning. I know it's early but I drank it anyway. My favorite kind of beer--- wet!

Someone named Lars wrote me to ask why my recipe section was gone. It seems he had referenced mine as a link from his homepage. I never knew anyone had it linked. After looking at his fine page, I started looking at other food and cooking sites. Maybe it is because food is foremost in my mind since I started my diet. There are many, many sites of food...perhaps more than on sex. After all, everyone (almost) eats each day but not everyone has sex....at least not 3 times a day! Coincidentally, I recently found out how to find all the sites that have links to your homepage...like a reverse directory.

To find sites that have referenced your homepage:

Load AltaVista on the WWW. Enter a Simple Search as follows:

Here are some of the more interesting cooking sites:

• Recipe Links...Lars fine collection of cooking sites.
• Flavors of the South.. Interesting and fun.
• Low-Fat Lifestyle Forum Home Page... Low fat is where it's at!.

I visited #fiftyplus on AnotherNet last night for the first time. BiggAl and UnderWater were online and we had fun chatting. I plan go back again tonight.

• May 24th:

  QUOTE OF THE DAY
  "All Hail the Visual Anonmymity of Cyber-Space!" (LydaRose)

  I forgot to mention that I burned my Veggie Burgers on the BBQ grill the other day when I fixed them for the first time. There was no grease bubbling to the top surface so I didn't think they were cooked. What a mess....they stuck to the grill and what was left looked like cooked oatmeal....yuk!

  TopGrizly has the EFNet channel #50+ homepage online. He did a great job. The URL is: http://www.wic.net/page/50plus.htm

  I chatted with someone yesterday who claimed to be a cynical atheist. I was very sad for him for having no faith. Then I got a nice email from someone that cheered me up. What a nice and timely event. I really appreciated it.

  I saw wimpy the other day on tern's Dalnet #50+club. He was using the nick elLoco and I didn't recognize him (tern told me after wimpy left). Wimpy also uses the nick "popeye" so don't let him fool you too. What a character!

  This morning I heard another metaphor for "work"...."pushing the stone uphill." Some advice for those of you who are about to retire (like ScotTEE): Don't chase the stone when you stop pushing and it rolls down hill....step aside and let it go!

  I added several new URLs to my homepage this morning.

  • UnderNet Channel #50Plus Homepage
  • WebAble.. For people with disabilities.
  • mIRC Homepage.. All about mIRC. Spend some time here.

• May 23rd:

  QUOTE OF THE DAY
  From an actual ad in a newspaper classifieds: "Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children." (Jennifer)

  I bumped into my old friend kuduman this morning. He is back in Indiana. I met him as nu1 shortly after he came on IRC. I liked him right off--perhaps because he had the same user name as me, "bigo". He is a big, friendly guy just like me. I lost touch with him for several months and finally one of his friends, kweole, came on the channel and I asked her if she had seen him. She said she hadn't and then kuduman, who was on at the time, spoke up and said that he was nu1. I was shocked! I had been talking to kudman all that time and developed a closeness to him not realizing he and nu1 were the same person. He had moved to Florida (I think) and had a different user name. I haven't seen kudman for a month or two. It was great chatting with him again. Old friends are like old shoes...very comfortable but not to be walked on.

  Beanie's suggestion for low fat "Veggie Burgers" was a good one. I had two last night with lettuce, tomato, Vadallia onion, mayo (fat free) and KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce. I found that the more BBQ sauce I put on it, the better it tasted. I had it running down my arms. It was really pretty good and only 2 grams of fat. One each for the bun and burger. The sad thing was that it cost more than sirloin steak which tastes so much better.

  I think I'm losing weight because last night I turned sideways and my wife didn't see me. Of course the lights were off at the time!

  I found the URL for the Undernet #50plus channel yesterday. They are fun folks there. It is a two for one homepage because it also includes #fiftyplus" on AnotherNet.

  DocMom sent me a good site strangely named "Recipes, Knitting, Crocheting, Tatting, Scanners".

  I saw my friend garpp aka garp yesterday on EFNet #50plus. He and I have something in common. He is, and I was, a railroad man. In the summer of 1954 after I got out of the Navy, I worked as a fireman on a steam locomotive. For you youngin's that have never seen a steam engine except in old movies, the fireman's job was to shovel coal from the coal car into the firebox. It is hard, back breaking work. The first day I was so tired that I could hardly move and the next morning it was worse. After a month or so, I felt better when I got off work than when I started. I was, like so many things in life, just a matter of getting used to it. For a while I was a hostler (switch yard work, keeping locomotives ready to go). One of my greatest thrills was when I moved one of the huge deisel-electric engines a few feet down the track. We called the "streamliners" when I was a kid. What power! I don't remember how many thousands of horse power they were.

  I continue to get mail from my friends on EFNet #50+. I appreciate your thinking enough of me to write. Thanks. Most writers think I made the correct decision to leave....That reminds me of the old joke about the guy who called the suicide hot line and convinced them that he was doing the right thing.

• May 22nd:

  QUOTE OF THE DAY
  "Help channels abound on the Undernet. It seems that no sooner are you out of your own IRC diapers than you're changing someone else's for them. Why do people do it? What motivates them? Perhaps it's payback for help given to them when they needed it; perhaps they have aspersions (sic) to high status in the Undernet community; or perhaps some people just like to help."

  I found a good web site about IRC called IRC - World Networks and used an excerpt from it for the quote of the day.

  Phoxxy made a cameo appearance on Tern's #50+club last night. She was welcomed with open arms.

  I had a nice visit with HeyJude this morning on DALNet #50+bunch. She is in DC for her son's graduation from college. She is SO proud. He had a 3.6 GPA and starts med school soon. HeyJude and her husband Cactus Jim are having dinner with Kas and his wife tonight. It sounds like fun I wish I was able to join them.

  Mefrench and I chatted yesterday. He said that swamprat6 is home and doing well and he has over 30 cards and letters to take to SR6. Mefrench expressed concerns about the BOT's leaving EFNet #50+. I peaked in on the channel to see if they really left. There were 3 BOTs there at the time.

  Beanie^ and I had an IRC date a few days ago. That was the first date I have had in over 42 years. She spent over an hour helping me with my new low-fat diet. She is a sweetheart. Thanks, old bean!

  I had a very nice visit with Shanni, moatzi and wiley1 on EFNets #Shannisplace last night. What a friendly bunch!

  TopGrizzly volunteered to put the #50+ bios and pictures on his server. The pictures were over 1M and took about 20 minutes to upload. When I get the URL from TopGizzly, I'll put it on my homepage.

  Here is the joke I mentioned yesterday:

  ---

  A priest, a lawyer and an engineer were to be beheaded by guilotine after the Revolution in France. The executioner ask the priest if he wanted to be placed "face-up" or "face-down" as was the custom. The priest looked to the heavens and said "Face-up so I can look into my Father's eyes." He was obliged and the executioner pulled the lever (or rope) and the blade stuck half way down. Everyone said it was divine intervention and as was the custom, he was set free.

  The lawyer was asked the same question and said "Face up. I know I can still convince the executioner to spare me." The blade was released and it again stuck half way down. He too was pardoned and released.

  The engineer said "I'll go, face-up because I always face problems head on. (pun intended)" But just as the executioner was about the pull the rope (or lever) the engineer shouted: "STOP, I think I see the problem!!!!!!".

  ---

• May 21st:

  QUOTE OF THE DAY
  "If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. 'Wait a minute! I thought we won!' "

  I got this joke from dymond a few days ago. I thought I'd share.

  ---

  A male engineer was vacationing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first time. It was wonderful, the experience of a lifetime. He was being waited on hand and foot. Unfortunately it did not last. A hurricane blew in unexpectedly, and the ship went down almost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an uncharted island. There was nothing anywhere to be seen. No people, no supplies, nothing. The man foraged around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea hopefully for a ship to come to his rescue.

  One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in four months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also, as he was waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention. She rowed her boat towards him.
  In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
  She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank."
  "Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where did you get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you!"
  "It is only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up. Nothing did."
  "Well, then," said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"
  "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island," replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
  "But, but," asked the man, "what about tools and hardware? How did you manage that?"
  "Oh, no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"
  At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.
  "Well, let's row over to my place," she said. So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.

  The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully-woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a palm tree, and there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

  "It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?"
  "No," said the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
  "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
  Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After a while, having exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
  "No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship."
  "Well, if you would like to shave, there is a man's razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
  So the man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back downstairs.
  "You look great," said the woman. "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable."
  While she was gone, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
  "Tell me," she asked, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely? Is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and women need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now."
  "Yes, there is," the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "Tell me ... do you happen to have an Internet connection?"

  ---

  That reminds me of a simiar joke about a guilotine....but I'll save that one for tomorrow!

You might be the th web surfer here
since April 1, 1492
(but I seriously doubt it) I hope you enjoyed your visit.

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Please contact:
old_lloyd at bigo@mail.erols.com
with comments, suggestions, additions or corrections.

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